Should You Bring a Gift to an Engagement Party? Here's the Etiquette Rule You Should Always Follow

When attending a bridal shower or a wedding, the gift-giving etiquette is clear: You likely know that you’re expected to bring a present in some capacity. However, when it comes to other celebrations, the same rule doesn’t always apply. For example, your presence at your friend’s bachelorette getaway is often considered to be the gift for the soon-to-be newlywed. Yet, in other instances, such as your friend’s engagement party, it’s not always as obvious. As a result, upon receiving an invitation to such an event, you may wonder whether or not a present is required for this post-proposal function. 

While the style and formality of such a fête, the size of the guest list, and your relationship to the couple can all cloud your gift-giving instincts, experts say the traditional guidance is fairly straightforward: An engagement gift is a kind gesture—but never required. “Even though it is thoughtful and very nice to arrive at the engagement party with a gift, it should not be expected by the couple,” says Jackie Vernon-Thompson, the CEO and founder of From the Inside-Out School of Etiquette. “The focus is primarily on socializing, introductions of family and friends, and toasting to the couple—a gift is icing on the cake.”

Below, experts break down all of the factors to consider when deciding whether or not to bring a gift to an engagement party, as well as offer some suggestions on what to purchase for the couple. Read on for more. 

Do You Need to Bring a Gift to an Engagement Party?

No. While standard etiquette requires guests to bring a gift to a wedding, the rules are less stringent for engagement parties. However, even though a present may not be required, that doesn’t mean you should show up empty-handed. “If you’re attending a formal celebration, or you're especially close to the couple, bringing a small-but-thoughtful gift is considered good etiquette,” say Aleah Valley and Nick Valley, the co-founders of Valley & Company Events. “Ultimately, your presence and heartfelt congratulations are the most important, but a thoughtfully curated gift or handwritten card adds a personal touch.”

If you do opt to bring a gift, focus on items that are personal, thoughtful, and sentimental. “Lean into gifts that feel celebratory but not overly extravagant, as there will be plenty of opportunities to give more elaborate presents later in the wedding journey,” the Valleys say. 

4 Factors to Consider Before Purchasing a Gift for an Engagement Party

However, even though a gift isn’t required, there are some instances when you may want to give extra consideration to purchasing a present for the couple. Here, the experts explain the key factors to keep top of mind.

The Formality of the Event

While an evening celebration at a five-star restaurant doesn’t automatically require a gift, you’re more likely to see guests walk in with engagement presents at fancy affairs. “A cocktail reception or formal dinner can imply a higher level of decorum, where guests often arrive with a gift in hand,” the Valley say. “For a backyard barbecue or laid-back happy-hour-style party, a gift is less expected but still appreciated.”

The Size of the Guest List

Whether the engagement-party guest list is limited to the couple’s closest college friends or includes dozens of their extended family members, a gift is a thoughtful touch. “The number of attendees has no bearing on whether you arrive with a gift or not,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Even if there are 50 people, and you are the only guest to give a gift, you stand out as the most thoughtful of the group; you were the mindful guest and considered the occasion.” 

However, if the event is very low-key—a night out with a few other couples, instead of an invite-only, fully-catered fête—it might not feel like the right moment to present a gift. “For intimate dinners with close friends, gifts can feel more optional,” the Valleys say. “At larger affairs with extended family and friends, many guests bring something as a show of support and celebration.”

If They Have a Registry

Couples who create a registry in advance of their engagement party are most likely expecting gifts, say the Valleys, though that doesn’t mean guests need to bring one. The converse is also true: If there’s no registry, that doesn’t mean you need to forgo purchasing a gift you’re excited to give. “A gift registry is recommended, not required; some couples choose not to create a registry, and prefer to give the guests the autonomy to choose the gift,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Therefore, taking the time to think of a gift the couple would appreciate is a good thing.”

Your Relationship to the Couple

Bringing a gift to an engagement party that’s celebrating your sibling, cousin, or a close friend is more likely to be guided by instinct than etiquette. “The closer you are to the couple, the more natural it feels to bring a gift, even something simple and sentimental,” say the Valleys. “For more distant acquaintances, a card or celebratory message might be just right.” A closer relationship can also influence how much you spend—and what you buy. “If you are a very close friend or family member, consider spending perhaps $35 to $80—or even more—on a gift,” says Vernon-Thompson. “Keep in mind, giving a gift card doesn't require much thought—unless it is a gift card for an establishment you know they absolutely love.”

10 Engagement Party Gift Ideas

If you do decide to purchase a present for the couple, you may be looking for ideas on what to give them. Here, the experts break down a few of their favorite picks. 

A Recipe Journal

Turn their favorite meals and drinks into an heirloom-quality collection of recipes they can add to throughout their marriage. “[Choose] a beautiful linen- or leather-bound journal for the couple to record their favorite meals, cocktails, or holiday traditions, as they begin building a life together,” say the Valleys. “Bonus [points] if you add a personal recipe to start their collection.”

Meaningful Artwork

Focus on the couple’s favorite places by framing an antique postcard, a found map, or an old picture of a cherished spot. “Find a postcard or small print of the place they got engaged or are getting married, and add a simple frame for a sentimental yet elevated keepsake,” say the Valleys.

Game Night Necessities

Help them unplug and unwind by giving them a game or puzzle they can incorporate into at-home date nights. “Something stylish and interactive, like a destination-themed puzzle or a beautiful backgammon set, [is] ideal for cozy nights during their engagement season,” the Valleys say. “Pair it with a notecard suggesting they enjoy weekend date nights by the fire.”

A Ring Storage Spot 

Give them a go-to storage spot for the engagement ring and their future wedding bands: a pretty ceramic, leather, or glass catchall jewelry dish. The Valleys recommend purchasing one from a local artisan for an additional thoughtful touch.

Toasting Flutes

A pair of monogrammed toasting flutes is a gift the couple can use for special occasions in the years to come. Vernon-Thompson recommends adding a bottle of Champagne or sparkling cider.

A Personalized Frame

Whether they’re framing their first selfie, a favorite engagement shot, or a formal wedding portrait, a personalized frame is a meaningful gift, says Vernon-Thompson. 

Relationship-Building Reads

To help a couple stay connected during the wedding-planning process, consider giving them activity cards, date night ideas, or journals that improve their communication, says Vernon-Thompson. 

Art Books

Turn a set of coffee table books into personalized décor by adding a special note. “If you know the couple has a love of architecture, a favorite chef, or they’ll be honeymooning somewhere exotic, source a few hardbound books on the subject(s) and pen a few notes in the pages,” the Valleys say.

A Spa Day

Vernon-Thompson recommends treating the couple to a spa day—complete with matching monogrammed robes and massage appointments—to help ease the stress of wedding planning. Feeling generous? “You may wish to invest more and grant them a weekend getaway, whether a staycation or travels,” she adds. 

A Handwritten Card 

Express your love and well-wishes to the couple with a simple, heartfelt note. “When in doubt, a handwritten card paired with a thoughtful gesture—like a bottle of wine or bubbly to sip on as they start wedding planning, or a special keepsake to commemorate the occasion—strikes the right balance,” the Valleys say.