Here's What Your Social Media Posts Say About Your Relationship

It’s hard to remember a time before social media. Today, we now have access to the lives of friends, family, and strangers, including celebrities whom we feel like we “know” thanks to their readily available Instagram feeds. And while social networking has had a hand in strengthening relationships (i.e. allowing us to keep in touch with people across the globe, advancing our careers, and even helping us find love), it does have a somewhat negative influence on romantic connections, according to experts.

“Men and women are constantly being shown images of what the ‘ideal’ relationship looks like, and this can put a lot of strain on relationships that don’t live up to the ridiculous standards set by celebrity couples,” says Jonathan Bennett, relationship expert, life coach, and certified counselor. This, in turn, also gives many a “grass is greener” mentality, which results in a lot of individuals trying to pursue "better" options outside of their unions. "Social media can be inspiring in a lot of ways, but it can also add some expectations and pressures to make your relationship look a particular way," adds licensed mental health therapist Wale Okerayi. "These pressures can lead to disappointments and dissatisfaction down the line, impacting the relationship negatively."

What's more, much of how we express (or don’t express) our relationships on social media says a great deal about their status. For instance, venting about your partner on Twitter (X) or Instagram will typically indicate that you don't respect the privacy of your union. Or, on the other hand, constantly posting about your relationship on social media might indicate that you have something to prove to the world.

Ahead, we asked the experts to reveal what your social media might say about your relationship. Here's everything you need to know based on your posting habits.

For Those Who Vent About Their Relationship

Whether it’s out of frustration or humor, taking your relationship grievances to social media will most likely come back to bite you, especially if you’re doing it to the extent where your partner feels exposed. “This is a violation of both your partner’s and relationship’s privacy, and only shows your desperate need to feel important and be noticed,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a New York-based relationship expert. “It's more important to look at your relationship through your own eyes than portray it for the world to see and judge.” Instead, she suggests keeping any bit of information you’d consider private just that—private.

Okerayi also adds that venting about your relationship "can be harmful to your partner because you are breaching their privacy by sharing what's going on without their permission. It can also skew your perception, which might make you feel less open to hearing your partner's POV in the situation, leading to resentment."

For Those Who Rarely Post About Their Relationship

If you’re not someone who uses social media often, then it’s not a big deal—and no surprise—if your feed doesn't feature your significant other. But if you’re someone who posts on the regular and only a handful of them (if that) are dedicated to your relationship, there are a few conclusions that can drawn. According to Bennett, your lack of relationship content could mean that you're ashamed of, or do not value, your union Or, it could mean that privacy and intimacy are important to you and you don't feel the need to share your personal relationship with the world. As Okerayi puts it, ultimately, "It depends on how important social media is to you and your partner. If you feel like your partner is hiding you from folks on their social media, then that is a negative thing. But if social media isn't important to either of you, and you don't feel like your partner is hiding you, then all is good."

For Those Who Post About Their Relationship Nonstop

If the only time you think to log on to social media is to say something or post a photo about your relationship, it might indicate that you have something to prove to the world, says matchmaker Rori Sassoon. “Commenting and including your partner on everything you do is what an insecure or codependent relationship looks like,” she adds. “And if it’s your partner who is constantly commenting and including you on everything he or she posts, he or she is either trying to claim you as his or her property or showing signs of codependency.”

Okerayi further explains, "We live in a world where we like to share things that we are going through, in order to meet other people who are going through the same things. When it comes to relationships, this can be harmful. Posting about the good and the bad in your [union] not only gives people access to make assumptions and suggestions about your relationship, but it also gives people the freedom to say anything and ask anything about [you and your partner]. Keeping some things private will benefit your relationship in the long run."

For Those Who Post About Their Partner Every Now and Then

If your relationship posts are in balance with other topics you frequently highlight, be it work, your passion for animals, or your exercise regimen, you are most likely in a healthy situation—and you probably spotlight your significant other online because he or she makes you happy. “This kind of posting behavior is giving people a glimpse into your relationship without putting your whole life on display,” Sassoon says. “This says that you have a healthy relationship that doesn’t need to be validated by other people.”

For Those Who Frequently Post Love Letters to Their Partner

If you often feel the need to write love letter posts to your partner for all the world to see—not just on his or her birthday or on Valentine’s Day—that can indicate insecurity in your relationship. “Showing your love for your partner is a beautiful thing, however, like all things, it is good in moderation,” Sassoon notes. “Give your followers a break and mix it up with your other interests.” Simply put, keep your love letters the way they're intended to be: intimate and between the two of you, Sassoon notes.

For Those Who Only Post Photos If They’re Perfect

How we post photos on social media says a lot about who we are, and our level of happiness and security in the relationships we find ourselves in. For example, if you’re someone who refuses to post a photo unless both people look their very best and, perhaps, even find yourself constantly enhancing features with one of the hundreds of photo-enhancing apps available, you are likely unhappy with either yourself or your relationship (or both). “This might mean that you’re either trying to convince yourself or the world that the relationship is perfect, when it’s less than ideal, and are avoiding the problem areas that need to be fixed,” Bennett says.

For Those Who Only Post Selfies

While there’s nothing wrong with a good old selfie (especially when the lighting is too good to pass up), if every photo on your feed features you and only you, it shows that getting attention is your number one mission. “If you only post selfies, crop your [significant other] out of photos, and mention very little about him or her, then it’s clear your relationship with him or her isn’t a major priority,” Bennett says. “You’re more seeking attention and self-promotion than hoping to display your relationship.”