Is an Open Relationship Right for You? We Explore the Pros and Cons

Love is definitely not one-size-fits-all—and monogamy isn't for everyone. For many people, having one romantic partner doesn't factor into their idea of a happy life, and that's completely okay. Ultimately, there are lots of different types of relationships and one isn't necessary better than the rest, provided that all parties are on the same page, happy, and safe. One type of partnership that gets a lot of attention (and is largely misunderstood)? The open relationship.

If you're in an open relationship, you're okay with you and your partner having other love or sexual interests. Other than that, the rest of the "rules" are up to you and your partner to set with your own comfort levels in mind. This degree of freedom can be quite rewarding for some pairs, which a psychological study conducted by the University of Guelp pointed out: "We found people in consensual, non-monogamous relationships experience the same levels of relationship satisfaction, psychological well-being, and sexual satisfaction as those in monogamous relationships."

If this sounds interesting, but you aren't quite sure if an open relationship is right for you, keep reading. Here, we explain what this type of coupling entails and discuss all of the pros and cons to consider before you go ahead and open up your relationship.

What Is an Open Relationship?

An open relationship, also referred to as consensual non-monogamy, is one in which both parties aren't exclusively dating each other. For the most part, they involve one primary relationship that you are more committed to, plus a few secondary ones that are less intense or more sexual in nature. In other words, both people are openly allowed to have other sexual and/or romantic partners.

The Pros and Cons of an Open Relationship

Pro: You can explore whether or not monogamy is important to you.

All relationships are different, but the one thing that defines them is whether or not both parties are exclusively seeing each other or not. You might want to find out if that's important to you—or if you're just as happy outside the bounds of monogamy. Ultimately, the whole point of being in a relationship is to enjoy yourself and your partner in whatever context works for you. If you both feel like your relationship would do better if you open it up, go for it.

If you've spent your whole life in monogamous relationships, an open one may feel a little strange. But if you've felt stifled by having one partner, it could help you find happiness. "[Some] individuals may feel that monogamy is a prison that traps them in a permanent arrangement that is sexually frustrating and devoid of emotional intimacy," affirms Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. If you can relate, that doesn't make you a bad person incapable of love—it just means that you may need different things from different partners.

Pro: You might experience greater sexual satisfaction.

According to another 2020 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, participants who engaged in an open relationship were just as happy as those who practiced monogamy—and often experienced greater sexual satisfaction in the process, "particularly if they did so with the explicit goal of addressing sexual incompatibilities within their relationships."

If you feel like your primary partner isn't meeting your sexual needs—or isn't open to exploring a specific desire or part of your sexuality with you—and they're okay with you attempting to meet them elsewhere, an open relationship could be rewarding for you both. You can ensure your desires are fulfilled (and get to know yourself better in the process) and your partner won't feel like they're letting you down by setting those boundaries in the first place.

Pro: Your main relationship could get stronger.

An open relationship requires a lot of trust and communication with your primary partner, particularly in the beginning as you work out any road bumps or set new parameters that suit you both. As you continue to flex these elemental relationship skills, your bond might actually get stronger.

Pro: You get to meet new people.

Monogamy can narrow the amount of people you spend time with regularly, while an open relationship is predicated on socializing and making new connections. This might feel rewarding if expanding that inner circle is something you enjoy.

Con: You might feel jealous.

Even if you're super open-minded, accepting, and trusting, you may still feel a pang of jealousy when your partner comes home after a night spent with someone else. Jealousy is a strong feeling that may be hard to ignore—so don't try to pretend you're fine if you're not (and there's nothing wrong with rethinking the rules or closing the relationship if an open partnership is no longer serving you).

Believe it or not, it's actually not uncommon for people in an open relationship to feel threatened or intimidated by the different people their partner may pursue. "Some of us might aspire to be successful at consensual non-monogamy and that, too, requires certain personality dispositions and interpersonal skills like overcoming jealousy and insecurity about consensual partner sharing," Dr. Josephs explains.

Con: Open relationships can be time consuming.

No matter how many or few partners you have, you'll need to be able to make time for all of them. Regardless of whether you're going out for a long and leisurely dinner or just heading to their apartment for a quick hookup, you will probably need to keep a few nights open every week. Just like any other relationship, an open one requires time and effort.

Cons: They can also be expensive.

Dating other people sometimes comes with a myriad of extra costs, from drinks and dinner bills to personal gifts. Depending on the depth of your secondary relationships, you might need to assess your budget.

Con: An open relationship won't fix yours if it's broken.

Whether it was on television or in real life, we've all seen a couple have a baby in the hopes of repairing their relationship—and you know that never works. If a relationship is doomed to fail, nothing will be able to fix it, because it's simply not meant to be. Like a baby, an open relationship can't save a failing connection. In fact, opening up a weak relationship will probably destroy it. If you want an open relationship to have any chance of succeeding, you need to establish a strong and sturdy foundation first. Trust us: If you're already feeling pretty insecure about where your connection stands, hooking up with other people won't help.

How to Know If an Open Relationship Is Right for You

There isn't a clear-cut way to determine whether or not an open relationship is right for you—but what's most important is that both you and your partner are on the exact same page. You should both be curious about seeing other people, but still want to maintain your own partnership and have real, honest feelings for each other. Since there's a lot of nuance involved, this type of relationship will only work if you're both totally honest with each other and already have solid communication skills.

Like a monogamous relationship, you'll discuss what you're both comfortable with when you define the open relationship. People who don't completely understand the concept of open relationships may make you feel like you're just getting permission to cheat, but here's why they're wrong: Open relationships grant both of you the freedom to pursue other people in a way that's based on mutual respect, open communication, and total honesty. In other words, you fully trust each other—and if it works for you both, other people's opinions don't matter.

While you still have strong feelings for your primary partner, you're still able to have different sexual needs met with different people, all while being completely truthful and open with one another. We believe that the hallmark of a successful relationship—open or otherwise—is being able to tell each other anything.