What Is an Open Relationship? Here's Everything You Need to Know About This Type of Partnership

Love is definitely not one-size-fits-all. While some people want to be in a monogamous relationship, others may prefer to have more than one romantic partner—and that's completely okay, provided that all parties are aligned, happy, and safe. Ultimately, there are lots of different types of connections an individual can experience, and one type of partnership that gets a lot of attention (but is largely misunderstood) is the open relationship.

An open relationship, also referred to as consensual non-monogamy, is one in which an individual has a primary partner but is free to explore other connections outside of that union. "An open relationship means that you are open to a romantic connection outside of your primary partner, and there are so many variations of what that could look like," clinical psychologist Dr. Morgan Anderson further explains. "At its most basic definition, it means you are willing to have a connection with people in a romantic way outside of your primary partner."

If this sounds interesting, but you aren't quite sure if an open relationship is right for you, keep reading for everything you need to know. With the help of several relationship professionals, we compare this type of coupling with closed relationships and polyamory, examine the pros and cons, and offer tips on how to discuss opening your relationship with your significant other, among other relevant information and expert advice.

The Difference Between an Open Relationship and a Closed Relationship

As mentioned—and as the name suggests—open relationships allow both people in a union to openly have other sexual and/or romantic partners. "An open relationship can have many different configurations but, in general, being in an open relationship means there’s an agreement that partners can engage in sexual and/or emotional relationships outside the main relationship," shares Los Angeles-based sexologist Dr. Tara. "Although it’s more popularly used among couples who allow each other to have sex outside the relationship, it’s an umbrella term for many different types of non-traditional relationships."

On the other hand, closed relationships are, at the core, monogamous relationships, both physically and emotionally. "A closed relationship means you are exclusive and that you’re getting romantic needs met from one partner and one partner only," explains Dr. Anderson. "This is traditionally known as a monogamous relationship."

The Difference Between an Open Relationship and Polyamory

"Polyamory involves being in loving relationships with multiple people, with the love part being the key element and it comes before the sexual element. Poly partners are emotionally committed to one another, which is usually the defining difference between poly and open relationships," explains Dr. Tara. "One can be in a poly relationship with three people they love and not have sexual relations. Open relationships usually mean you’re able to have sex outside the relationship, but the interesting thing is you can be poly and closed. This is called polyfidelity. For example, you can be in a poly relationship of four and it’s closed so you’re not supposed to have sex with people outside your quad. There are also many types of polyamory. Some of the more common ones are polyfidelity (as described), triad (three people), and quad (four people)."

Dr. Andrerson adds: "Open relationships have a primary partner and you’re open to romantic connection with other partners. In polyamory, you’re intentionally building other relationships. 'Poly' means many and 'amory' means love, meaning you’re building many relationships at the same time. Open relationships are more about having experiences and connections with others and maybe more physical in nature. However, in polyamory relationships, it’s understood that you’re building more long-term, and sometimes more serious relationships, with other people besides your primary partner."

How to Know If an Open Relationship Is Right for You

There isn't a clear-cut way to determine whether or not an open relationship is right for you—what's most important is that you and your partner are on the exact same page. You should both be curious about seeing other people but still want to maintain your own partnership and have real, honest feelings for each other. Since there's a lot of nuance involved, this type of relationship will only work if you're both totally honest with each other and already have solid communication skills. "Everyone feels differently about opening up their relationship. It’s important to discuss this upfront with your partner, to explore what it would look like to open up your relationship, and to figure out how you could have a healthy, secure attachment while opening up your relationship," emphasizes Dr. Anderson.

The Pros and Cons of an Open Relationship

Understanding the pros and cons of an open relationship can also help you decide whether it's the right option for you—and your primary partner. Ahead, here are the advantages and disadvantages of this type of coupling.

The Pros

You can explore whether or not monogamy is important to you.

By opening up your relationship, you'll be able to explore if monogamy is important to you—and whether or not you'd feel more satisfied having another partner. "[Some] individuals may feel that monogamy is a prison that traps them in a permanent arrangement that is sexually frustrating and devoid of emotional intimacy," affirms Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. If you can relate, that doesn't make you a bad person incapable of love—it just means that you may need different things from different partners.

You might experience greater sexual satisfaction.

According to a 2020 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, participants who engaged in open relationships were just as happy as those who practiced monogamy—and often experienced greater sexual satisfaction in the process, "particularly if they did so with the explicit goal of addressing sexual incompatibilities within their relationships."

So, if you feel like your primary partner isn't meeting your sexual needs—or isn't open to exploring a specific desire or part of your sexuality with you—and they're okay with you attempting to meet them elsewhere, an open relationship could be rewarding for you both. You can ensure your desires are fulfilled (and get to know yourself better in the process) and your partner won't feel like they're letting you down by setting those boundaries in the first place.

Your main relationship could get stronger.

An open relationship requires a lot of trust and communication with your primary partner, particularly in the beginning as you work out any road bumps or set new parameters that suit you both. As you continue to flex these elemental relationship skills, your bond might actually get stronger and communication might get better.

You get to meet new people.

Monogamy can narrow the amount of people you spend time with regularly, while an open relationship is predicated on socializing and making new connections. This might feel rewarding if expanding that inner circle is something you enjoy.

The Cons

You might feel jealous.

Even if you're super open-minded, accepting, and trusting, you may still feel a pang of jealousy when your partner comes home after a night spent with someone else. Jealousy is a strong feeling that may be hard to ignore—so don't try to pretend you're fine if you're not (and there's nothing wrong with rethinking the rules or closing the relationship if an open partnership is no longer serving you).

Open relationships can be time-consuming.

No matter how many or few partners you have, you'll need to be able to make time for all of them. Regardless of whether you're going out for a long and leisurely dinner or just heading to their apartment for a quick hookup, you will probably need to keep a few nights open every week. Just like any other relationship, an open one requires time and effort.

They can also be expensive.

Dating other people sometimes comes with a myriad of extra costs, from drinks and dinner bills to personal gifts. Depending on the depth of your secondary relationships, you might need to assess your budget.

An open relationship won't fix your union if it's broken.

Whether it was on television or in real life, we've all seen a couple have a baby in the hopes of repairing their relationship—and you know that never works. Like a baby, an open relationship can't save a failing connection. In fact, opening up a weak relationship will probably destroy it. If you want an open partnership to have any chance of succeeding, you need to establish a strong and sturdy foundation first. Trust us: If you're already feeling pretty insecure about where your connection stands, getting with other people won't help.

How to Open Up Your Relationship

Like a monogamous relationship, you'll need to discuss what you and your partner are comfortable with if you've decided to pursue an open partnership. "Ideally, a conversation is had before shifting dynamics from a closed to open relationship, and both partners should be in accord with this choice. It’s important to discuss the implications of shifting from a closed to an open dynamic and to weigh both the pros and cons mindfully before switching from one to the other," advises licensed psychotherapist Dr. Elisabeth Crain. "If one person is seeking this shift, I recommend having a sit-down conversation to address their wants and desires around moving to an open relationship to make sure the other partner is on board with this decision and a meeting of minds is achieved."

Dr. Tara also advises couples to hire a non-monogamy coach to broach the subject. "It can be challenging, especially for traditional couples. If you desire to open up yourselves, start with a general conversation about something you’ve heard," she adds. "For instance, I have a podcast episode on polyamory and open relationships. Try sharing these resources and ask your partner what they think about it. This is a good way to prime the conversation. Then, most importantly, educate. Educate yourself and your partner on the different types of open relationships. There are many helpful books out there. 'Polysecure' or 'More Than Two' are good resources. Once you both have more information, you can design your relationship together."

How to Talk About Your Open Relationship With Your Family

If you and your partner have decided to open your relationship, things can get tricky when navigating family dynamics—especially since most people won't understand your decision. The good news? You aren't obligated to share your relationship status with anyone. "It’s not required to talk to your family about this," says Dr. Anderson. "It’s important to realize your decisions in your relationships are no one else’s business other than the people in the relationship."

That being said, if you do want to communicate this part of your life with your family, "it's important to mentally prepare for potential misunderstandings or confusion around your choice," shares Dr. Crain. "I would always advise remaining calm, cogent, and clear when communicating a big-ticket item like this in a relationship. I don’t advise doing this on a whim, so if you want to incorporate family, it’s best to have a prepared sit down as it shows thoughtfulness and preparedness when addressing any relationship shifts."

Another tip? Provide your family members with information on open relationships and educate them about why you made your decision. "Ask them what they think open relationships mean," says Dr. Tara. "Then educate them on your type of relationship and ensure them that you’re happy and safe. Most of the time, your family just wants you to be safe and happy!"

What to Do If Your Open Relationship Isn't Working

Believe it or not, it's actually not uncommon for people to reconsider being in an open relationship. If you feel like this type of coupling isn't working—whether due to jealousy, poor communication, a change in personal desires, or other factors—talk to your partner about how you're feeling and discuss how you'd both like to move forward with your union.

"If it isn’t working, have a conversation with your partner. Talk about why it’s not working and reach an understanding of what the needs are of the primary relationship," shares Dr. Anderson. "Are there ways to repair the relationship? Get curious about what the relationship needs. Maybe you need to take a break from having an open relationship. It’s common for couples who have open relationships to go through periods of closing the relationship. Realize that you have to be in constant open communication about the relationship and know that those needs will change. The most important thing is that you continue to communicate."

Dr. Tara further recommends seeing a non-monogamy therapist to work on the relationship. "If you realize through therapy that it’s better to split, have a conversation for closure, and end the relationship," she adds. "Take some time off to heal and focus on your physical and mental health. When you’re ready, you can continue dating as a single who’s looking for a non-monogamy partner, or maybe you find you’re no longer interested in an open relationship. In this case, you can also go back to being monogamous knowing you’ve tried and it’s not for you."